1. Vacation Bible School - it's that time of year! There are Vacation Bible School signs everywhere. Every time I drive by one I get a nervous twitch and utter something under my breath that is cynical, judgmental, and totally unfair. I went to VBS one time when I was a kid (parents made me) and hated every second of it. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why the word "Vacation" was included in the same phrase as "Bible School". Seemed like an oxymoron to me...even though I didn't know what "oxymoron" meant at the age of 11. I would have much rather spent my time riding my bike, playing backyard baseball, swimming, playing basketball, having Nerf wars, playing video games, well...you get the picture. As I kid, I felt like I went to jail for a week.
2. Being a Notre Dame football fan and Chicago Cubs baseball fan. When it comes to sports, I'm an eternal pessimist. I never believe my team will win. I expect to lose. Look at who I root for. When the Cubs blew it (Bartman game) in 2002 (I think...maybe 2003 but too lazy to google it and don't want to re-live the pain) I cried. Yes, I shed tears.
3. Burger King - I will never eat there again as long as I live. I worked there 3 days at the tender age of 16 and it has forever warped my view of BK. If you're smart, you would take my word for it and never eat there again as well. See?! I'm warped. If you still insist on eating there, do yourself a favor and avoid the Biscuits N' Gravy at breakfast time. Trust me.
Anyway, those are a little silly, but if you dig a little deeper, it gets serious. Those are 3 things I've experienced that have caused me to view present reality in an unfair way. How many of us are more jaded, cynical, and warped because of life? How many of us are letting our past define our present? Our future? I've had some experiences recently that have warped me. And the thing is, I realize it, but I'm definitely still wrestling with it and catch myself in moments of cynicism, anger, and unhealthy thoughts. So I'm working through it right now.
What's the point? There is danger in letting our lives define us and not God. Recently, I have let my experiences define my perception of myself and my view of the world. It's not good. I need to let God do that.
So before I write about that tomorrow. I want to hear your "I'm warped because of..." stories. Today, only funny ones allowed. Share a quick example of how a past experience has warped you. Looking forward to reading...
12 comments:
1.) Waterparks. Candace and I went to WaterWorld and on the last 'ride' of the day, an innertube slide, I flipped off of my innertube, face dove into the water, and broke my nose on the bottom of the pool. I looked like hell for days with scabs on my face and 2 black eyes. Candace, when she wants to see me cringe, remarks how much she looks forward to going back to WaterWorld. Oi.
I'll think of some more and comment later. But man, waterparks now make me cringe.
Husband, I am warped by your cynical comments! Just kidding... sort of :).
I'm definitely warped by balloons. I had a giant one pop in my face a few years ago and now I don't want them within 5 feet of me. It freaks me out something crazy to let Will or Ty play with them!
That was a stupid example... but you asked for it :)
-Karrie
Walmart!!! its completely torturous, and I hate it, but i continually go as if I am a masochist and I enjoy the torture of walmart and all the crazy people with missing teeth and their beer bellies hanging out!
I am warped by children's light up shoes. I have an unnatural hatred of them. They make me instantly suspicious of the child wearing them and their parents. However, we're friends with lots of light shoe wearing kids, who are all totally awesome. My issues with light shoes have just recently seen me making my own child cry because I would not let him have a pair. They're shoes for goodness sakes, but I just can't do it!
I'm warped by short hair. My own. I had a hair cut disaster in sixth grade. The stupid lady at Fantastic Sam's thought it would be so cute to style my hair like a Golden Girl. Of course, the school bully made fun of me because of it. James Levine, and his punk buddies, were walking down the hall toward me as I walked alone to the playground. He said... "Oh, I didn't know we had a new BOY in school!"
That was it. I was done. The only time, since, that I had hair close to my ears was last year. When I was 31. I still wince when considering cutting it again.
That's funny, right? Haha? :)
I am warped by Italian dressing...or any salad dressings really.
When I was a little kid I was at a sleepover and my "friend" Jodi chased me around the house with Italian dressing on her finger because she knew I hated it. Finally she caught me and wiped it all over me. I immediately vomited all over her and myself.
I haven't touched the stuff since.
Warped...ha I am warped in many ways..here are some of the goofier ones..(is goofier even a word)
1. Reese's peanut butter cups...ok I know your jaw just hit the floor but I can't stand these things...they make me want to vomit just thinking of them...here is why...remember when your Mom would say if you eat too much candy you will get a stomach ache...well I decided I wanted to test that theory and around age 12 I spent $30.00 on Reese's peanut butter cups...now keep in mind in the 80's that was a lot of money on Reese's...I bought as many of the 4 pack Reese's as I could...and I ATE them ALL..in ONE sitting!! Yes every single last gooey peanut butter cup...I puked for 4 days... literally 4 days of Reese's flavored vomit! Now just the smell of Reese's is more than I can take!
2. Birds...I believe that birds are evil...yes I said it...EVIL. When I was young I had a pet bird..that died...only problem I didn't realize it was dead..so I opened it's cage...and picked it up..to talk to it...well it was stiff...and it's wings were sticking out...and I kept trying to push it back down...thinking it needed help...well...eventually I realized I was holding a dead bird...and ever since the mere sight of birds makes me cringe in fear...and I mean real fear..I am terrified!! If we ever go out in open spaces I can tell you where every bird in the vicinity is because I think they all know I am afraid of them and they want to see just how close to me they can land.
2.) okay, I thought of my 2nd one.
Bowel movements.
I am warped because I have absolutely no problem discussing BM's with anyone. Theirs. Mine. Doesn't matter. I can talk laxatives (do you use mineral oil or suppositories?), size, density...anything.
I will often send text updates to people when I am using the restroom.
I grew up discussing these things with my family.
they have warped me!
McDonald's and their chopped onions on hamburgers. Ever since I tried a hamburger when my taste buds developed, I almost vomited. Now I will not eat an onion if I know it is in something I am about to eat. I'm a really good gourmet cook who hates onions....doesn't really make much sense. Thanks Ronald.
I would rather go to the dentist than get my hair cut.
I have two.
1. I can't touch suede, micro fiber, brushed metal or silk without getting the willies. It's gross and I just can't do it. Now the furniture people in all their infinite wisdom have started making micro fiber couches and chairs and some of my friends in their secret hatred of me have purchased these horrid things. Then they invite me over and expect me to sit or touch their precious hideously foul furniture. My own children seek out suede and silk garments when we are shopping and chase me around the store trying to touch me with them. The monsters.
2. When I was younger I would go and sing for the homeless. They really are quite appreciative and would want to touch me afterward. Which would be fine but the smell is something emblazoned in my nose. I hugged back and sucked it up like any good Christian is supposed to, but now when I walk into a Good Will or Thrift store for any reason that same smell assaults my nostrils and I have to will my feet to proceed. I want to run away without hesitation because I know there is someone near hiding in the racks that wants to hug me. I’m just that lovable.
I can't stand looking, touching or anything else that has to do with chewed up gum. I will have to quit eating if someone puts there chewed gum on their plate or glass. I can't touch gum that has been chewed either. If I accidently grab under a table top and touch gum I almost puke! Oh yea, I can't stand Mint/Chocolate anything. Smell or taste. My family loves to blow their stinky mint chocolate breath on me for torture. Just down right disgusting!
Kellie Castaneda
Post a Comment