Warped Continued...

I've never been a grudgeholder, but for the first time in my life, I have some anger that stems from some recent relationships in my life...and it hasn't gone away yet. I actually thought I was past it. Then I witnessed something that stirred up some serious anger in me. It's an unhealthy anger because what I witnessed was a very good thing.

What did I see? I sat in on a meeting between two people I didn't know very well and they were discussing something. It was something minor and they had two differing opinions on the matter. In a very loving and healthy way, they shared their differing opinions with each other and then moved on. It was a good, honest conversation between people who cared for each other.

But it made me very uncomfortable and angry. For a split second, I mentally sided with one guy in the discussion. From my point of view, I was angry because I thought the other guy was wrong for even sharing his opinion and I thought he was being disrespectful. Why did this make me mad? Because I'm warped. I couldn't see this conversation for what it truly was, because I was allowing some past experiences define reality and not God.

What did I experience to make me view this conversation with such a warped perception? I'll just say some unhealthy relationships. Within these relationships, healthy, authentic, loving discussion rarely happened and it left a pretty rotten taste in my mouth. And there are nights I lay awake stewing with anger over those memories. That's not good.

The thing is, I have every right to be angry. However, I need to forgive these people. I'm not saying I need to call them up, talk to them, and try to get them to say "sorry". I need to forgive them because the anger and growing grudge I have is unhealthy for me and anyone I have influence over (my wife, my kids, family, friends, etc.). I need to forgive them for me.

We all do that though. We hang on to stuff from our past and we let it define our present.

I just read the story of Joseph this morning in Genesis. If anyone had a right to be warped, it was him. Here's his story in a nutshell that I took from a book I'm reading called Shepherding a Child's Heart, "His mother died while he was young. He was his father's favorite. His dreams inflamed his brothers' hatred. He was further alienated from them by his father's gift of a coat that set him apart as their authority. His brothers betrayed him and he was thrown in a pit. Slave traders bought him to profit from his resale value. He was double crossed in Potiphar's house despite his honor and intergrity. He was imprisoned. Even there he was forsaken by those whom he had helped. Here was a man you would expect to be bitter, cynical, resentful, and angry. If a man is only the sum total of influences that shape him, that would have been the result."

However, later on, his brothers begged his mercy and Joseph said to them "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children. And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them." (Genesis 50: 19-21)

Great things happened because Joseph let God define his life and not his experiences. I want to get to that point. I'm not there yet. Right now, all I can say is "I intend to forgive" these people.

What is it that you are holding onto that is continually warping reality?